A Room of Her Own

Call it a refuge, a haven, a sanctuary. Filled with the things that matter most to you -- a half-read, but favorite book, a special candle, a comfortable throw, fragrant soap from your last trip to a spa, your cat, your sanctuary is the space and place you carve out for yourself that is both energizing and contemplative. Whether it's a cramped, studio apartment or a sprawling suburban dwelling with space enough for everyone to avoid the other, a dorm suite you share with multiple roommates or a gentrified fixer-upper you purchased on a lark, whether it's a four by four carrel with walls thin enough where you to hear your co-worker in the next carrel thinking or a fourteenth floor corner office with a river view, to the people who live and work in these spaces they are for the time they are occupied private refuges in the midst of a busy, hectic life.

How can we arrange the spaces in our lives in ways that make them reflect who we are and what are our needs? The answer to that question does not lie in simply decorating, but in being in touch with your own sense of self to know what you need to be whole. It's about trusting your own style, your own sense of beauty and need for function. It's about arranging your space in a way that anticipates your needs– a comfortable lounging chair in which to steal a nap, a table to hold a cup of hot tea, a desk to write a letter, a lamp next to your bed for nighttime reading.

As you and I change and grow throughout our lives, our spiritual and emotional selves are influenced not only by meaningful relationships with people, but also by deep ties to our physical environments, where we live, move and have our being. Home means different things to different people.

For many of us, in fact, it's the furniture, pictures, coffee mugs, accessories, and other moveable objects we've collected over the years that more accurately reflect our true self than the house itself in which we live. You can't always bust out a wall to get the space you crave or dig up the house's foundation and move it to a neighborhood that better reflects your ambitions and status. But there's a reason (or ought to be) behind our choice of green or red or ivory for this or that room, a reason for the family picture on the bathroom vanity, a reason for placing an overstuffed chair with ottoman near the breakfast room window, a reason for having a vase of fresh flowers on the bed stand next to your side of the bed, and a reason why there's a tattered stuffed bear on the window seat of your adult son's old bedroom. We shape the rooms we dwell in, and the rooms we dwell in shape us.

Renita J. Weems, Ph.D.