Stop in the Name of Love

"Aren't you just being hard on men?" certain women are wont to ask when you bring up the topic of violence against women. My conservative Christian friends are quick to flinch when the topic of women’s victimization comes up. "Why don't you just focus on the good news that Jesus Christ brings into women's lives and stop harping on all this talk about violence against women which only alienates women from men" is the way one reader put it after reading an article of mine on violence against women that shows up in the Bible. She's typical of the women who refuse to consider the possibility that stories in scripture like that of the rapes of Dinah, Tamar, and Gomer offer us chilling examples of how love and romance get confused with love and domination. The woman who wrote me doesn’t get it:

That every nine seconds a woman is battered.

That two-thirds of these attacks are committed by someone the victim knew, such as a husband, a boyfriend, another family member, or an acquaintance.

That in a typical year 2.5 million of the nation's 107 million females twelves years and older are raped, robbed, or assaulted.

 

Women who are afraid I'm “bashing” men when I speak out against women's victimization don't seem to get the fact that there is a difference between taking a stand against patriarchy, a system that privileges men over women and makes violence against women a low priority (which I am doing), and taking a stand against a man just because he’s male (which I am not doing). We can never hope to experience the repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation that we all look forward to in this world until we are prepared to give both victims and perpetrators permission to talk openly about the ways in which we have all been wounded by misguided teachings and bad theology. Paul was a prophet in lots of matters, but two thing he got tragically wrong: God never meant for slaves to obey their masters nor wives to submit to their husbands.

High-spirited women are often the object of folks’ outrage. The Shulammite is out searching the streets for her beloved. Dinah has left the safety of her father's compound for an outing with other women (Gen. 34). Gomer is a headstrong wife who sees her marriage to Hosea as one she wants out of (Hosea 1-3). The woman caught in adultery defies custom by living in a common-law arrangement with a man who was not her husband (John 8:1-11). Violence is the penalty for women's headstrong ways, and their stories in the patriarchal culture of our biblical ancestors were meant to serve as a warning to women bent upon following their own desires.

We would do well to see the stories in the Bible about women's rape and assault as an invitation when we get together in our bible study and book reading groups to ask deeper questions about the ways we think about strong-willed women and men who presume to act in God's name. It’s not enough to speak out against rap music's misogynistic lyrics. We have to go further. We have to speak out against women’s victimization every where it shows up. As the poet Audre Lorde pointed out years ago, our silence will not, has not, protected us. From tales of young girls being snatched from their homes and later found raped and/or murdered, to media's senseless depiction of violence against women and girls for box-office appeal, to the rape of women and girls seeking refuge in camps in Dafur, Sudan, to the tendency of many in conservative circles to use the Bible to justify male privilege and female submission, the time has come for women in the church to get it.

It's time we challenge how love gets equated with submission and romance gets confused with insane jealousy. The biblical writers neither applaud nor condemn the violence that show up in their stories; if they had, perhaps we'd know what to do with these stories. Instead, they leave it to us to use our faith and our good sense to figure out what we must do to stop the violence in our culture and world that parades itself as harmless, as entertainment, and as justified by God. October is “Domestic Violence Awareness” month. Make speaking up on behalf of battered women in your community a priority in your women’s ministry. Volunteer at the local women’s shelter. Don’t pretend not to notice that the woman in the pew next to you is wearing a pair of shades on a cloudy day.

Renita J. Weems, Ph.D.