Who Can Find a Virtuous Husband - Part 2?
I am not a Proverbs 31 woman. I suppose that’s no surprise to anyone who reads this blog often. But then I bet none of you is a Proverbs 31 woman either. The poem in Proverbs 31 praises the excellent wife. We’ve all heard countless sermons and exhortations on this passage of scripture. As a woman in ministry I can’t begin to tell you how many Women’s Day themes have taken their inspiration from this poem.
On the surface of it Proverbs 31: 10-30 is seems to be directed at to women, but at close glance you quickly figure out that the poem is actually something of a manual for young men on how to choose a good wife. It is a poem to the virtual wife, not virtuous wife; the fantasy wife, not a real flesh-and-blood wife. The woman in the poem is supposed to be the exact opposite of the shrew, the temptress, and the sluggard who are talked a lot about in Proverbs. What man wouldn’t want a wife who is prepared to sacrifice her sanity, health, and life to care for her husband and children? I would love to have a wife like that myself. It’s the kind of poem many Christian women have been made guilty for not living up to. It’s the kind of poem men, Christian and otherwise, walk around with in their heads whether they know it or not as a template for womanhood.
Just to show you how impossible it is to live up to the poem’s ideals. The poem opens with the now famous line: Who Can Find A Virtuous Woman? From there the poem launches into a description of a self-sacrificing wife (and mother)! The thought of a woman being anything other than a wife or mother would have been inconceivable and unconscionable to an ancient narrator. But what if you’re not a wife or mother? What if you’re more than a wife and mother? These are the questions we’re still battling society and each other about.
But what are the qualifications for a husband? Where does one find a virtuous man? Now there’s a thought.
I’ve written before on good husband-dom, but let’s see if I can do a better job this time. When asked about what to look for in a husband, I’ve always spouted off four things to women: 1) a man who prefers partnership to domination as his model for being in relationship to a woman; 2) a man who has what it takes to go the emotional distance in building a relationship; 3) man who is a friend of your mind as well as other parts of your body (cough. cough); and 4) a man who genuinely loves God and has a strong spiritual life. That’s a pretty tough order to fill in today’s market, I’ll admit.
What if the tables were turned, and it were men who were commanded by Scripture to do whatever it takes to keep home and family happy and running smoothly ?
A Virtuous Husband
His value is higher than rubies.
Especially when he is the husband of a high-achieving, working woman.
The heart of his wife trusts him
For knowing when to offer advice and when to simply listen and offer comfort when she complains about how her day went.
He is a tower of strength to her at all times.
He keeps the house when she is away frequently and for long periods.
He prepares his own meals, and those of the children if they have any, rather than blow money by eating out.
He works and has his own career and doesn’t mind juggling his ambitions at work with his duties as a father and husband.
He knows all his children’s teachers and is grouchily happy to stay up to 2am in the morning helping his son with his Western Civs paper.
He doesn’t mind running errands like dropping by the cleaners to pick up his wife favorite outfit for tomorrow’s meeting at work or taking a child to the pediatrician–
whatever it takes to keep the household running smoothly.
He frequently goes to sleep with his wife lying next to him reading a book or office report,
or to the sound of her in the next room tapping on a computer.
Understanding and patience are his demeanor,
A sense of humor and a steady hand are his gifts in marriage.
His heart and his body are his wife’s alone.
He doesn’t care what other men think of him
because he is comfortable in his own skin, and
because he is not just a provider but a caregiver and
knows that making love means making love,
and not just having sex.
Besides, he prefers his family’s adoration to his buddies’ slaps on the back.
His wife calls him blessed.
And she praises him often and loud for being the man that he is.
Smooth talking is deceptive and a fine looking man is not necessarily the same as a man who is fine to live with.
But a man who loves God and is willing to give himself over to learning what it means to love and live with this one woman is a man to be praised.
May God bless and reward him as he richly deserves with grace, peace, and more love than he can imagine
from the woman who calls him Husband.
(copyrighted, Renita J. Weems)
